my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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