I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
