I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
