Can i not drive my cunt home
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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