Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
