; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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