I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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