Ambien. No doubt about it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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