I got chris browned last night
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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