I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
