"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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