Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
