She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
