you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
