The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
