Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
