Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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