giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
