We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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