She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
