Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
