I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
