Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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