meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize