He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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