My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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