He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
