I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
