If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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