I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
