Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
