Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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