I'm jealous of your bromance
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
