you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
