I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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