So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
