i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
