There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Drake has all the answers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
