Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
