yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
