just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
