Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
