Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
