Yo dont text me then not text me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
