yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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