Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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