Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
