Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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