your parents love me but you hate me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
