i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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